Somehow, music over loudspeakers didn’t seem imperative for censorship. When the chorus sang,“break all the lies and defeat the fucking liars…”, I knew the boys wouldn’t have any idea how to repeat it. We must’ve played that song over three hundred times at home and in the car, and they never even noticed.
But then – they got their own iPod Shuffles. It was part of my grand scheme to get them to run around the track for more than three minutes straight. For a second, it seemed my plan worked – especially when the buffoons were so super-charged they couldn’t wait to hit the running track with uncharged mini-appliances devoid of music.
I created their playlist. Listening through my headphones as I almost uploaded “Pea” and nearly crapped my pants.
After speed-singing the song I realized I wasn’t so concerned with Flea singing, “So fucking what?…” at the end of the song. What I was concerned with was Samu saying that he’s a pacifist – because he does have a tendency to fuck our shit up. He learns by association.
Regardless, some swear worded songs managed to slip in. Our first day out, we jogged past an ancient trio of track walkers whose ages easily added up to 267 years and Samu spewed excitedly over his headphones, “He sang the Mother F word, mommy! pant-pant – You know, pant-pant- mother fuh-”
The headphones popped out of his ears. Fortunately, Apple still hasn’t figured out the design for headphones that stay in your ears.
It was damned Audioslave.
I considered going back to the drawing board. Sifting through each song like a North Korean tobacco filter.
Then I realized it would take approximately four and a half hours and what good would that do? As it is, the boys ask for pretzel rods to chew it like Wolverine’s cigar.
So I said, “Fuck it.”
There’s no sense or sensibility when it comes to censorship. The truth is, as ugly as it is, it’s always prettier than…er…a shitty nut.
And that – is what liars are afraid of. Mother fuckers.
Any chance you get – say it.