Exponentially Yours

“Exponentially,” is a term Man vs. Food’s Adam Richman uses to describe how spicy something becomes when a slop chef uses hot oil for Buffalo wings. Never mind that the word is a mathematical term, I can picture dudes across America saying, “this chicken is exponentially hot,” instead of just fanning their tongues yelling, “Gimme some water, gimme some water!”

 

The sissies.

 

Anyway, things are exponentially busy. Could be the drop sunshine amongst the buckets of rain, lately. At least the busy-ness is all good – for now.  I’m holding a spot on the floor for the other shoe, which is expected sometime in August. In the meantime, I keep my poker face on – the same look I have when things suck.

 

It’s hypocritical, actually. I tell my kids not to use the term “suck” and use it constantly. I say the supermarket music sucks; the number 7 train really sucks; the weather is starting to suck – but if those guys even try to say that homework sucks, I make them do pages of penmanship. Yeah, guess I suck.

 

But I told them if they win a national spelling bee, they can curse to their hearts content.

 

“Yay!” Shouted Zuki like it’s in the bag. I’m not trying to undermine him but really, it’s like Britney Spears auditioning for the Metropolitan Opera. No lie, he still asks me, “Mommy – do you have any G-U-M-B?

 

“Zuki, for the hundreth time, there is no “b” at the end of gum.”

 

“But there’s a “b” at the end of dumb and that’s the way I want to spell it.”

 

Dumb Gumb. If there is such a thing, I can think of a few people who’ve been chewing it.

 

He might just become one of those annoying people who needs to “ax” a question. Or misuse words like, “Literally, she was getting on my nerves.”

 

Literally? Was she climbing up your back?

 

But that’s American English. It’s probably just as bad as Chinese Spanish. Or my husband’s Japanese. Whatever. The next generation will simply attach a letter “b” to the end of a word and change the English language, exponentially.

better humen bean is
better humen bean is
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Author: Namzola_Goodness

A Japanese-American who grew up in the streets of New York during the racially volatile 70’s, Nami blogs with guts, heart and humor. Dysfunctional parenting, cynical citizenship and…love of beer to wash it all down.

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