World On A Ledge

President Carol would probably kill and burn all the complainers after she becomes president. That’s the difference between her and you-know-who.

Priorities change. We used to know that death was inevitable, we feared it, honored it – death was respected. Now we treat it like a homeless subway rider. We mumble about the inconvenience they’re causing instead of facing it head on. No more guts and glory – just subway slashers, obese children and grown men with hair buns. Seriously, what’s up with that?

Forget the zombie apocalypse, we need Planet of the Apes.

Or a really, really, really good movie that can’t be summed up in a preview.

Or a kick-ass guitar riff that makes you call out, “SHOTS FOR EVERYONE,” even at work.

When did we become so…lame?

Even the presidential candidates are as appealing as ice cold lime flavored Budweisers (who in their right mind would drink that shit?). My guess is that the same Americans who’d purchase and consume lime flavored piss water would also find anything favorable in what appears to be, the last two people on Earth who have the money to run for president. Plus, it probably goes great with their cat tranquilizer.

What’s more bothersome is the reaction and the rallies. These endless rallies with crowds of people who should be at work. I don’t want either of these lizards running our country either but do I have time to wave a poorly written poster about my feelings all day? No. The boneheads will figure it out when I vote for Pedro. Well, maybe not Pedro, but definitely Carol in The Walking Dead.

I love Carol. She’s so bad ass, I don’t even know her last name. Who cares, we’d just call her President Carol.

President Carol would probably kill and burn all the complainers after she becomes president. That’s the difference between her and you-know-who.

It’s as if we’ve plateaued. Sure a majority of us still don’t have quality health insurance, and an even larger number of us are unemployed and generally poor – but what’s the big deal? Government doesn’t help regular people and they’re certainly not going to start now.

For example, it’s been five months and I’m still waiting on our State refund. What’s up with that Missssster Cuomo? Ain’t got my money cuz you spent it on weed?

We must be the only country in the world with people who are simultaneously poverty stricken and getting fatter. I blame stupid.

Education is free, yet a majority of people are still confused on the use of apostrophes – so they just drop the s. Instead of saying, “Those are Oscar’s balls,” they’ll say, “Those are Oscar balls.” Yet, they add the s to mine: the drugs ain’t mines.

Oscar is my cat, by the way. We recently adopted him because he killed his previous owner. Of course, he tried to make it seem like an accident, but I know he has a secret plot to take over the world, one household at a time. Let’s just hope he doesn’t find his way to the White House.

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