I feel like a medical test pin cushion. Blood tests, CAT scans, port-flush – a friend recently told me it’s called the “lab rat syndrome.” Whatever it is, it kills me now when the doctor says, “Good news! You’re fine – see you 3 months.” I realize I will be spending the rest of my life at some doctor’s office. It’s great, don’t get me wrong – enough with the bad news but after all that probing and prodding, drinking gallons of who-knows-what and being injected with dye or toxic metal – I should be able to grow knives out of my knuckles and get all Wolverine on everybody or something.
Watching the news in the waiting room today, they ran no less than three stories on people cutting other people with broken beer bottles and machetes. Who the Hell drives around with a machete? That guy, apparently.
It’s good to see I’m not the only one who wishes to be a hairy Freddy Krueger – makes it less disturbing. Maybe it’s just the media, because they like to string common interest stories together making life seem like some big Carl Jung synchronicity experiment. But ultimately, I blame New York’s mayor and governor. They have it all wrong – they have no idea what the people of this city want. While they’re laser lighting bridges and checking the homeless in to Holiday Inns, I’m passing by the Sunnyside village idiot pissing at the entrance to the pediatric center during office hours. I’m sure the parents in the large windowed waiting room – or the playground across the street – were truly delighted to see him exposing his shriveled penis to pee in public. And why not – it’s legal now!
What should we legalize next, driving around with a machete?
If anything, the bureaucratica feuds are amusing. Not entertaining – just amusing. They should just sleep together and get it over with. But then, that would jump the shark and we all know what happens once the sexual tension is gone – the show tanks. Moonlighting, The Office – Who’s The Boss. I might even add The Walking Dead. This Rick and Michonne thing is just not working for me. I mean, it’s okay but it’s no Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura.
We’ll see – or maybe we won’t because we’re considering canceling our cable. Finally. I mean talk about conspiracy. I looked up The Thing, The Fly with Jeff Goldblum, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers on On Demand and all the movies were $3.99. That’s like four bucks for movies noooobody wants to watch. Well, except me. For the life of Brian, I couldn’t tell you why I never collected those Sci-Fi movies on DVD but managed to have two copies of Blade Runner. But seriously, how am I supposed to raise my boys right without such classic flicks at our fingertips? How?!!
The best I could do was show them the movie trailers. It’s amazing how little they showed of the movie and yet, it piqued your interest. These days, they show all the good parts so by the time you’re watching the entire flick you’re bored because it’s just the filler. There are times when scenes from trailers aren’t even IN the movie and you feel gypped for some strange reason.
I remember the original Alien didn’t have any scenes from the movie in its trailer. Talk about messing with your psyche. The pace, the horror, the evolvement of the alien – it’s the kind of movie making that will never be repeated – try as they might. Alien capitalized on our curiosity, something we have no patience for anymore. When we want to know about something, it has 30 seconds to tell us or else we move on to the next piece of fluff. We don’t waste time figuring shit out – fuck your two-cents!
That might explain why we’ve become a “credit or debit” society. All the cashiers at C-Town ask the customer if they’re paying by credit or debit and I see all the old timers (including my husband) answer, “Plain old cash.” He toys with them by giving them cash denominations that requires advanced math skills and takes delight in their amazement. He’ll tell the cashier to just punch it in – I should get forty dollars even. She does and her jaw drops. Little thrills – that’s what he lives for.
And I get to live to see it – between sticks and needles.